Dear Olivia

I just read how my talk of jewelry and clothes made you feel and your own feelings about all of that.  I hope you'll keep the post just as it is. I could feel exactly how you were feeling. And I do feel exactly how you feel about all of that. I have a closet FULL of clothes. SO MANY. I only wear a handful of my "safe" clothes. The others cling weird, or hit a weird spot so the bottom of my stomach bulge is all accentuated, and even if something does fit decently it still looks to me like I'm some ugly bumpkin trying to make myself into something I'm not (Worth It). It's a very bizarre thing to be realizing the extent of how truly sick I am in my head over areas related to my weight (all areas, basically?) and examine these issues and see patterns in them and discover such truths about them, but then to be actively affected by them still. It'd be nice to be able to just snap out of it once you understand how destructive something is and why it works the way it does. It's like if you kept stabbing yourself over and over and then were like, "Oh, duh, this is hurting me and all I have to do is stop making this stabby motion and it'll stop? Okay, well, I'm going to go ahead and get back to stabbing now or maybe I'll stop for a week or two, but then I'll go back to the stabbing." Okay, so cake and fried foods are more enjoyable than being stabbed, but still, you get my point. Anyway, do you want to play a game where we each make it a point to go out in public at least one time this week in makeup, jewelry, and something we normally wouldn't wear? If you're in, tell me in the comments! Then we'll talk about how it felt. Let's do it in the spirit of owning who we are, ending the shame, and stepping outside of our old habits. Yeah?

Love,      

Lilly