Saddlebags and Inner Thigh Blobs

I have saddlebags. You know, those accretions of fat that hang on to the outside of the upper thigh. Known as "unsightly." Known as "D-Sgusting" with a capital D.

I tried to find a  Google image that would give you some idea of what mine look like. Can you say unsuccessful? There are no saddlebags on all of Google that compare with mine. Truth be told, I have rarely seen any as gigantic, and I don't suppose those ladies go around capturing images of theirs any more than I do.

Saddlebags are shameful. Mostly because not all fat people have them. You can be enormously fat and have nary a saddlebag. This is why fat women say, "I'm so fat! I am 265 pounds and wear a size 20 pant!" La-di-effing-da, lady. I'm only 220, but, because of my mutant upper thighs--which are composed not only of regular fat, but of outer blubber (the saddlebags) and amassed inner blubber (the titular inner thigh blobs), I wear a size 24.

Yep, this means that in order to get enough denim to accommodate my fat butt, I have this giant waist band that has nothing in common with my actual waist, which is, frankly, tiny in comparison to places south of it.

The Inner Thigh Blobs have been discussed in an earlier post, with reference to friction burns and pantyhose.

I spoke with a plastic surgeon about the whole problem. She said, "When you have maintained your desired weight for six months, we can do the reduction." I had said nothing about wanting to lose weight. I went in merely to consult with her, and the first thing out of her mouth is, "lose weight first." Well, no kidding, but I have to get down to my desired weight before getting the baggage off? Good luck to me on that.

I am sure I will go to my grave with saddlebags and inner thigh blobs, which, by the way, grow ever more horrid. The saddlebags have been affected by gravity after so many years, so they sort of hang down a little, making a small crease. I have to lift the saddlebag to dry the crease after bathing. Of course, these are not the only things I have to literally pick up and move around in order to dry myself off.

The inner thigh blobs are more and more gross as well. They have always been with me. In fact, in high school (when I was 130 or 140 at most), I used the saddlebags and inner thigh blobs as a short-skirt standard. If my skirt covered these areas, it was long enough to meet the school dress code. Even now, I use a similar standard--if my shirt covers the bulges, it's long enough, and I can go around town in the false belief that the upper thigh fat deposits are not as noticeable as they would be were I to, say, tuck my shirt into tight pants.

My surgeon charges $3,000 per "area." An area includes both sides of the body, so it would cost me $3,000 to reduce the outer bulges and another $3,000 to reduce the inner blobs. Of course, if you look at pre- and post-op pictures of saddlebag reduction surgery, there isn't much difference between the pictures. Even after spending $6,000 and six months in support garments, my thighs would probably still rub together. My luck, I'd probably end up with uni-thigh, like that poor woman who ended up with the Uni-Boob after have some breast surgery.